Sunday, January 29, 2012

Prayer for today:
My prayers fall short…this is how I feel with my pain and lack of answers.  Amen.
Psalm 13
 1 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?
 3 Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
   and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
 5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
   my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the LORD’s praise,
   for he has been good to me.
Some of my very favoritest and bestest memories of childhood and teen years were spent at the Gonzalez Bluebonnet Area’s First Christian Church CAMP.  Gonzo will forever hold a special place in my heart.  I fell in and out of love with Jesus and boys, found and have kept some of the best friends of my life and it shaped my life so much that when I strayed, God only let me get so far before He pulled me back to Him because I was already claimed as His child.  The stars on the water and over a hot concrete slab in the middle of Texas & summer helped me to realize that the great Creator of this universe loved me so much not only to create me as well as the earth and constellations, but also to send His Son to save me.

I had an appointment on Friday with my obstetrician.  The amazing Dr. Oh performed both of my C-sections and handed my 2 beautiful children from my body to my arms.  Dr. Oh has always been very understanding, thoughtful and thorough.  Every time that we go to him with questions, he has a calm and direct way of getting us answers.  After listening to everything that I’ve been through, he believes that my pain can be narrowed down to 1 of 2 things. 
v Option #1:  I have a wonky musculoskeletal issue that was triggered by one thing or another and physical therapy will fix/improve all. 
v Option #2:  It is scar tissue or abdominal adhesion in which he will refer me to a general surgeon.
Although I AM thankful for someone not telling me that this is ‘normal’ and is considering it serious enough to even SAY surgery is a viable option (not that I am looking FORWARD to surgery) it is still frustrating that there is no ANSWER.  I guess narrowing down is the way to go and they HAVE ruled out all of the serious stuff...bowel blockage, colon cancer, meningitis, all other forms of crazy life-threatening issues, PTL… “I don’t know” still isn’t my favorite phrase when it comes to my health. 

I hope that this finds all of my audience in great spirits and that you’ll remember to pause and thank God and the heavens above for your health and loved ones.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Prayer for today:
Dear Jesus,

You have gone out of your way to include me in your grand scheme of salvation.  As if that weren’t enough, you provided me with an amazing support system…spouse, friends and family.  Of which I can’t thank you enough.  The life you’ve given me is above and beyond anything I could have imagined for myself.  Your work astounds me in many wonders and the miracle of my life (my salvation, my husband, my children and my esteemed friendships) often times leaves me breathless and awestruck.

Watch over those that are reading this and keep us all happy, healthy and in love with you.


I usually make this something relevant, but tonight it’s just what’s on my mind.  Many of you know, some don’t…I don’t claim an earthly father as I only met my bio-donor once when I was 16 and haven’t spoken to him since my mom wrangled him for back-child support of a child that he didn’t know existed.  I grew up with 2 amazing father figures…my uncle (Uncle Bob – picture John Candy in Uncle Buck, and that’s my Uncle Bob) and my grandfather (Papa).  I’ve really been missing my Papa lately…He’ll be 85 in April and I don’t take any chance to talk to him for granted.  I have pictures of him and I ‘shaving’ (him shaving and me w/shaving cream all over my face…) when I was 3 or 4 (aka – about EJ’s age).  He’d have been the one to raise me pretty much had my mom not moved us all over the country and I sometimes wish I’d had that stability and more strict up-bringing.  However, would I be who I am now with my exact personality if that were the case and is wishing for that ‘questioning’ God’s will in my life?  Oh, the lovely contradictions amongst your own head…

SO, not much has gone on since last post.  Hubs, the kids and I all had a pretty sweet weekend.  We visited a new church and were impressed with the extensive worship set and the relevant message.  We didn’t get a SUPER warm welcome from the congregation, but it was a pretty small church.  It was refreshing just to be somewhere that we didn’t KNOW everyone or have ANY responsibilities other than getting our God on.

We go Friday (the 27th) to see my OB to talk abdominal adhesion or scar tissue or something along those lines.  All of which require invasive exploratory surgery and most MD’s aren’t willing to do that.

Hubs is putting dinner together tonight even after we had a sweet date night last night and I’m trying my best to be appreciative as opposed to irritable due to pain levels.  Pain is so exhausting.


Thursday, January 19, 2012

Prayer for today:
Dear God,

I don’t normally pray for patience, as to achieve patience; you certainly know how to test people…

Today, though…I’m’a praying for patience.  While I get news and reports and other things coming from so many different directions, give me peace and patience.


I’ve been overweight for as LONG as I can remember.  There are pictures of me as a healthy and ‘normal’ kid…up until about age 4.  THEN, there’s this HUGE gap…like I didn’t exist or was a vampire until high school and I was this very odd looking giant-type creature.  :/  I’ve been on diets and work-out routines and pills that I can’t even name or remember.  My weight fluctuates like someone’s gas gauge.  I’m not comfortable at the present sharing what my actual weight is, but let me tell you…NFL players would envy this in pure muscle.

AND that brings us to…An order for blood work was placed by the Weight Loss Center (yes, I’m actually thinking about bypass) and after last night’s puke-a-thon starring me, I figured that this morning would be the best time to go and get a fasting blood work done… 

Later today, I was off and on the phone with the GI’s office @ Johns Hopkins about my ‘inflamed-skin-tag-on-the-outside-of-your-colon-that-takes-months-to-resolve-itself,-sorry-about-your-pain…’  Urgh – insert frustration HERE.  Requesting pain meds, they offered the genius advice of 800 mgs of Ibuprofen 3 x daily for 3 weeks and then to call them to let them know how that goes.  Insert eye roll HERE. 

Anyway, left work early and couldn’t even continue driving, so I took a nap @ a rest stop ½ way home.  Got a call from hubs letting me know that he’d grab the midgets and then he’d see me at the house?  Directly after that I received a call from primary care Dr. letting me know that I have a Vitamin D deficiency.  Whoop!  Something I HAVE that isn’t normal, but IS fixable.  SO – I’m on once weekly supplements for THAT issue for 3 months until a re-check.  Evening has been smooth and now it’s hopefully off to pain-free dreamland.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Revision...home with pajamas on, pizza back OUT of my belly, ugh.  Life is still good, though...
Home with pajamas on and pizza in my belly.  Life is good.
Prayer for today: 
Father God,
THANK YOU!  For all of our many blessings that you continue to pour on us even THROUGH trials and tribulations.  You are an amazing heavenly Father and I could NOT imagine or want better.  Forgive me of my sins today…gossip, slander, Your name where it shouldn’t have been in use.  I know that you sent your Son to die for those exact sins, but I LONG to be more like Him to be closer to You.
Jesus – grant peace, serenity and healing over ALL who lay eyes on this and even those in my life who don’t.  You promise goodness and grandeur and I FULLY claim that for us all.
I’ve moved around.  A LOT.  Born in Galveston, TX, to & from Texas City twice by the time I was 4, and then off to Chincoteague, VA followed by a short stop in Miami, FL for 1st grade…all by the time that I was 8.  Once “settled” in Victoria, TX I attended 2 different elementary schools, 3 different middle schools and 2 different high schools.  While I now appreciate the versatility and adaptability that all of those experiences provided my life, I truly envy people that have been friends with someone from birth and lived in 1 place their entire life.  That sustainability and constant provision must be how we should truly face problems that arise in our lives.  As God never forsakes us, we should REVEL in that accountability that never fails.
I’ve been in pain since August 20, 2011.  4 months.  29 days.  Constant.  Lower left abdominal pain that increases and decreases in pain level, but never truly goes away.  I’ve had so many tests run on me and been put on and taken off of so many medications since then; it boggles my mind that they haven’t just donated my body to science yet.  This morning I had a repeat (TMI ALERT!) internal ultrasound.  The results were normal, which if you’ve ever been in non-pin-point-able pain, is a little disappointing, but I’m thankful for more “good” news…
HOWEVER, while being consensually molested, something happened that hasn’t happened since this pain onset.  The sonographer was able to, if not reproduce as it was already there, HEIGHTEN the pain!  I know that it sounds crazy to cling to this tid-bit, but no one has been able to do that with simple exterior poking and prodding!  I feel like this will be some sort of key to the proverbial puzzle!  Please continue to pray for Dr's wisdom and my mental well-being.
PS - if you COULD, please try to lift up Ms. C & Baby B in your prayers as well...their stories aren't mine to tell, but they need them just as much if not more than I do!

Monday, January 16, 2012

So, thanks for stopping by and reading…I’m am an altogether TMI type person, so I’ll apologize now and hope that it applies for all future posts.

I’d like this to be a non-stressful type thing for myself and all who read, so for all future formats, this is how it will go:

Prayer FIRST…I pray for you reading, your family and your current individual situation; I may not know exactly what it may be that I’m praying for or even that I’m praying for you ‘directly’, but know that you are in my prayers.  Also, please help reciprocate and pray for me, for my wisdom and discretion in the words that I may choose to be putting on here and sharing with you.    

Second, a bit of my past…so you get to know me a little better and will hopefully feel like you can share your past with me as well.  No judgments, no predispositions, just common understanding and mercy amongst simple sinners.

Lastly, my present…what I’m dealing with and hopefully the why and reflection of what’s going on so as to help you better understand should you ever go through anything similar and so that I have an online memory, as I for SURE can’t keep it ALL in my head!

SO - Here's to us...on this embarkment and to health and altogether healing in the new year!  I will be trying to update every few days as busy schedule allows!