Quality, not Quantity...right?!

Whoops!  Almost 4 months have gone by since I’ve blogged.  Whew, I’m not so hot at keeping this ma-bob updated!

SO…since my last COMPLETELY TMI, in retrospect, post, things have been fairly AWESOME!  Don and some sweet friends have just wrapped up my final 30^th birthday celebrations over the course of this weekend and I feel better entering this year, decade, whatever than I have any that I can remember!  In 20.5 short weeks, I’ve dropped 99 pounds!  I was pushing a 30/32 dress size and am now comfortable in a 14/16 or 18/20 depending on cut and fit.  Something that I continue to find amazing is the amount of support and enthusiasm that surrounds my progress.  I’ve met some amazing new people through different groups centered around WLS.  These people are as dear to me as some of my closest and longest standing friends.

Enjoy the same comparison shots you’ve already seen if we’re Facebook friends:

10.5 weeks post-op:  60.8 pounds down!

16.5 weeks post-op:  86.6 pounds down!

20 weeks post-op:  99 pounds down!

In other, non-weight related news, the kids are great (at a new daycare with an amazing lady whom we all adore), Don is amazing (could be reminiscent of the birthday celebrations) and I feel like I’m in a great place in so many areas thanks to the sweet words given to me by all of the birthday cards and also some extensive prayer time with some sisters in faith a couple of weeks ago. 

I’m also working diligently on group fundraising for this year’s HCV Nicaragua trip!  If you’re a 31 fan, please check out the 12 Days of Thanksgiving that we’ve got going on right now!  Also, if you’re interested in a Chick-Fil-ACowlendar, let me know!  They’re only $6 each and make GREAT stocking stuffers!

Praying that this finds you well and at peace!

Love,

Chan

I'm full of it.

Well – maybe not currently, but I have been off and on far too much over the past week or so.  Post-op for gastric bypass isn’t all sunshine, rainbows and dancing unicorns.  Sometimes it’s more like playing leap frog with a unicorn.  Also known as, not so pleasant.

Just like everything, there is a cycle to doing what you need to do after surgery.  IF you can get in your fluids and protein, this cycle can be pleasant and happy.  If not, and you struggle, things become…well, stopped up.  Little known fact:  constipation causes all sorts of other health issues.  I wasn’t able to drink or eat without severe pain & nausea and when you aren’t eating or drinking, nothing is happening on the flip side.

Thankfully through prayer and a little medical assistance (enter Phenergan, Colace & Milk of Magnesia), things are going much better.  On top of that, I had an incision pop open after the other had finally stopped draining.  I know, I know…gross.  Sorry, just being honest and I feel like it’s my doody duty to document this for myself when memory puts fog and glitter on everything that’s happened and also for those that are thinking of doing this. 

That being said, I wouldn’t change much.  I would have taken the medical assistance sooner and let my husband coax me to take just one more sip or try just one more protein this or that. 

Overall, I’ve been feeling great!  I fit into my smaller clothes from the other closet and even some of those are a little loose!  I’m not scared to sit in a booth, my car fits better (if that makes sense) and I’m ready to start working out as soon as I have the release from the Dr. on Thursday.

The one thing that I’m really looking forward to is picking up my kids again.  I miss being able to comfort them when and how they need.

I’ve been taking progress photos every other week and they really show my progress, but I’m not sure how I feel about sharing them.  I thought that it would be most reflective of change if I were just in my skivvies, but therein lies the problem.  Maybe in another 6 months or a year and after some toning happens on my part…  I think I’m most self-conscious because even though there’s definite change, I still look so much like the “before” picture.  Here’s a face comparison from April to July:

And for those of you that that like rough data and charts…here’s a little progress chart that I’ve been putting together:

Hope this finds you all well and loving life!

Love always,

Chan

A week ago today…

Well, by this time a week ago, I was sitting up comfortably in my hospital chair, my gastric bypass a reported success.  However, there was a lot leading up to that.  Let me go back for a minute.  Way back.  To Christmas of 2011.  Here we are - 

this was one of the only photos that I allowed to even show myself in.  The truth of it, I wish I could have been holding the tree to hide myself better.

I was 6 months out after having our 2^nd beautiful child.  I hadn’t lost a single pound of my “baby” weight – 20 pounds.  Nor had I lost any of the weight that I’d gained between pregnancies – 50 pounds.  Nor had I lost any of the weight that I’d put on since mine & Don’s wedding until I was pregnant with EJ – 20 pounds.  Prior to the wedding, I’d worked out, eaten right/starved myself, and taken pills to lose 40 pounds to get into a wedding dress that wasn’t a size 20.

That Christmas, I was miserable.  I realized that I was at my biggest and yet lowest point in life.  I was unable to sit on the floor with my kids for a long time because one or both of my legs would fall asleep because of my weight.  I huffed every time I went up my own stairs.  I was surrounded by people who loved me for me, but I couldn’t honestly say that I loved myself.  Don and I talked.  It was time to change something, but I didn’t know where to start.  I had friends that had been through gastric bypass, but I was so stubborn thinking that it was a “cop-out” and that I would be giving up on my own ability to lose weight if I took that route.

I talked to my doctor about the pills I had been on previously.  She had a serious talk with me about short-term versus long-term weight loss and the permanent effects of keeping this weight on my body and the also permanent effects of getting on and staying on a prescription weight loss drug.  I cried, we talked options, and she referred me to the Weight Loss Center.

I had my first appointment in March 2012 where I met with some of the nicest medical professionals I’ve ever known.  Dr. Small went through all of my options and assured me that at any point in time in the process I could say “no”.  I met with the nutritionist each month for 6 months per my insurance requirements.  That brought us to an approval for the surgery in November, but we didn’t have the money for the 10% copay at that time.  Then it was Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years.  On New Year’s Day 2013 I announced that I was going to Nicaragua in March.  Between raising funds for that and daily life, the weight loss surgery was on a back burner for my schedule and our finances. 

Then it was tax time.  It appears that refund time was bypass time!  So, I called the WLC and told them we had the money!  Sign me up for the surgery!  WELL, I had to be re-approved because of how long it had been.  Honestly, at this point in time I was daily lifting my hands and saying, “Really, Lord?!”  BUT, as always, He had a much better plan for me.  I went to Nicaragua and came home a changed person.  I had looked around a 3^rd world country and seen their hardships and questioned myself and ALL I had back home. 

Within 2 weeks of my return to American soil, I received my approval letter from my insurance company!  Then it was off to a gallbladder ultrasound, an EGD and a final appointment with the Dr. and nutritionist between then and 3 weeks ago.  Everything was set and last Wednesday I walked into the hospital at 5 am laughing with my husband and in amazing spirits ready for this change.  I took every opportunity to make a joke at one thing or another with everyone I encountered.  I know, very unlike my normal behavior.  I don’t really remember saying goodbye to Don or giving him a kiss, but I know without a doubt that it happened before they wheeled me back.

The first thing I remember coming out of surgery was pure pain and pressure on my chest.  I couldn’t catch my breath because it hurt and it hurt to try and catch my breath.  I had a bit of a panic attack, but they just upped my happy meds for a bit and I was back out.  I was released Friday, suffered through clear liquids over the weekend and am now almost halfway through my full liquids week.  (MUCH better than clear, but I dream about mashed potatoes, cottage cheese and the like).  My energy has been great the past couple of days because I’m hitting my protein requirements and I’m just a little more sore in the evenings and at night than during the day, but am determined to be off of pain meds altogether by the end of the weekend.

The one piece of advice that I’ve held onto throughout this entire process is, “Every day gets easier”.  Truly it does.  It’s been a blessing to have those that have gone before me for guidance, those that are going through it with me for moral support and those that will follow, possibly for inspiration.

Hoping this finds you all loving life and yourself no matter where you’re at or at what size.

Love always,

Chan

3 Step Process to Being a Cheerleader

As I sit here on the exact evening 20 days prior to my surgery, I look back at all of the love, support and encouragement that I’ve received since announcing that I would be undergoing gastric bypass surgery.  I am yet again astounded and overwhelmed by the quality of friends that I have been blessed with in this life.  I have a gigantic cheering section and am beyond grateful for each and every one of you holding a ‘Chandra’ pom-pom, pennant, #1 finger and yelling my name at the top of your lungs! 

As we all know, for every 100 positive responses that you get from anything, there is 1 (or 3 – not that I’m counting) ‘not-all’ positive responses.  While I don’t think that any one of the not so positive responses that I’ve received were meant to be negative or vindictive in the slightest, it is still one of those things that make you go, “Hmm…”  I won’t go into any detail as this isn’t really a rant or call-out session, but if someone gives you news of their lives that you may not be in 100% agreement with, try to just smile, give them a hug and say, “Good for you.”  Sweet, simple & non-committal.  I’m still working on a witty comeback for those that choose to “go above & beyond” in the not-so-supportive-comment section.

You see, this isn’t a process that someone can go into lightly (BAHAHA – pun TOTALLY intended).  Gastric bypass (or any other type of weight loss surgical procedure) has a very lengthy and time consuming checklist and set of tricky hoops that one must navigate through in order for surgeon to qualify, nutritionist to inspect, and insurance to approve.  This is something that I have been actively working towards since January 2012.  Next (& last) up on my to-do list pre-surgery is next Wednesday - my final meeting the surgeon and a 2 hour class with the nutritionist to go over EVERYTHING that I'll need to do pre & post-op in order to be a success.

Also, I am the proud owner of a Planet Fitness membership now, have been trying to make as many Heart Power Boot Camp sessions as possible and have been meeting with (and even taking pictures of) my health coach, mentor and new friend.  Along with these steps, watching my diet & portion sizes; my general good health will hopefully put me in a great position for successful recovery and weight loss results.

In other news, we are still fighting with EJ on potty training and he BIT someone at daycare yesterday.  Really struggling with communication, boundaries and discipline.  Evie is becoming more and more feisty and we are trying to help her communicate so that we are setting her up to be successful.  She DID pee on the potty yesterday and is showing more and more interest.  Ms. Michele (daycare lady) is going to start working with her more once school is out.  AND - Don was in a car accident today.  :(  Praise Jesus that he sustained no injuries (nor did the teen who t-boned him).  Also, (ironically) thank God that he wasn’t in his own vehicle, but a friend’s borrowed truck.

Instead of this:

It could have been this:

We’re home, friendship with the truck owner still stands and Don is just now starting to be sore from today’s events.  Thank you Jesus for protecting my husband and father to our children today.

Love you all, hold someone a little extra close today.  You just never know.
-Chan

Comparisons...

There always comes a point in time when you are comparing something with something else.  It’s the way the human brain works.  I think.  I am maybe going to start calling my ‘comparisons’ what they really are:  light judgement. 

Let me back up a minute…one does not just become 200+ pounds overweight overnight.  I actually don’t think that is possible.  However, I don’t remember being a ‘normal’ weight.  There are pictures of me as a normal child.  Not overweight.  Not miserable with a shallow kind of look in her eye because she’s afraid a fat roll will show here or her double chin will show there.

Just hanging out with my Uncle Bill & Aunt Cindy!

Apparently 'grass' skirts and mullets were awesome back in my day...

The problem is, I don’t REMEMBER these times.  All I can ever remember is being this odd, lumpy shaped type of person that’s not comfortable in their own skin.  Since I was 10.  I have a problem an addiction with food.  I can eat well (healthy / clean).  I’m fine with that.  But that’s not my problem.  My problem is that I NEVER feel full.  You see, there’s this great scientific study that I’m sure you’ve heard of:  Pavlov’s Dog.  If you haven’t heard of it, here’s the basics:  ring the bell while the dog is eating and the dog will soon associate food with the ringing of a bell, right?  Well, in my case, it was tell the child to clean 2 plate of food or take her out to restaurants where meals are vastly disproportioned and the child will soon not feel full at a normal portion sized meal.  Please know that I’m not trying to “blame” my upbringing.  I’ve been an “adult” for a little over ½ of the 2 decades that I’ve been overweight.  In that time I’ve done any of the following either individually or in conjunction with each other:

·        I’ve exercised

·        I’ve eaten right

·        I’ve made myself puke

·        I’ve starved myself

·        I’ve taken diet pills

·        I’ve tried Slim Fast and Weight Watchers and every other diet plan written

They’ve worked or they haven’t off and on, but if you’re psychologically starving yourself, you’re not committed and it isn’t the lifestyle change that it needs to be.

So, back to the light judgment thing and how I’ve allowed pounds to continue to creep on…  I would always tell myself (and sadly, sometimes still do…), “Well, if I’m not as big/poorly dressed/round/heavy/any other number of negative adjectives as him/her/whoever, then I’m ok.”  First, I wish I actually knew them all so that I could call them and apologize.  Second, I’ve reached my stopping point.  I’m no longer “ok” and unless I can compare myself to Jesus, I have no comparisons to make.  Lastly, I want to apologize to EVERYONE for any wool that I’ve pulled over your eyes that I may have always been a good person.  It’s a lie, and I struggle every day with one demon or another.

This one heavy demon of weight is about to get a WHOLE lot lighter though!  I have my surgery date for my gastric bypass.  Duh, duh-DUUH!!!  JUNE 26!!!  Please know that I am NOT viewing this surgery as a light undertaking.  This is and always will be a lifestyle change for me, my family and even a few close friends.

What’s the next step, you ask?  Well, here’s all of my appointments leading up to my surgery that I have scheduled for now:

Don't ask to see the rest of my calendar...

Praying that this finds you all well and that you can maybe find it to forgive me for my light judgments one day.

Love,

Chan

The Honest to Goodness...

Life.  We sure have a way of letting that 4 letter word become overwhelming.  At least, I know I do.  What with one thing and another, I find myself 33 days past my return home from Nicaragua with a very pencil filled, erased and re-written schedule between now and then to show for it.  Amongst the day to day of home, kids and work, hubs and I stayed involved with church activities, celebrated an anniversary, a Risen King, and a birthday all within the 4 week stretch upon the touch down and re-entrance to American soil. 

While I’ve shared at church and amongst a few friends how “my” trip was, I have had this odd feeling of not wanting to “put it out there”.  Sure, we’ve been busy, but I certainly could have made time to sit down for 5 – 10 minutes a day to type out my journal entries and share with “the world”, right?  Looking back, I’m not so sure.  In speaking with other friends who have gone on missions trips, they seem to share my needed time for processing.  I can easily give you a daily recount of what happened, but the true story is my thoughts and feelings behind those activities, and I’m still not sure if I’m ready to share those.  In the meantime, please view the trip’s blog to catch up on said daily activities!  I’m hard at work editing my 900 some odd photos to make up the photo book and will begin to distribute those that were sold, and sell some for next year’s funds as well, by June.  To tide you over, here are a few of my favorites from one of the clinic days:

Si, es claro!

Our interpreter, Salvador, with a handsome little patient!

A little dear that I was priviledged to spend some time with!

Other than busy-ness, home life is well.  We are fighting tooth and nail with EJ to get this whole potty training thing down.  Evie is entering her terrible twos with a flourish.  Don had his other cancer spot removed over 2 weeks ago and goes to get the 2 pre-cancer spots taken care of before the end of this month.  As for me, well…insurance has approved my gastric bypass!  I’m sure that there are a host of opinions on this subject and weight loss in general, but this is my choice and all I ask for is love, support, less requests to go out to eat and more requests to split a salad or go for a walk.  J  My first pre-surgery procedure is on the 26^th of this month and prayers would be appreciated.  I’m still waiting to hear from the doctor’s office about the ‘big’ (pun TOTALLY intended) surgery date, but they were thinking early-mid June.  In the meantime of that, I’m working with an awesome health coach who is quickly becoming one of my favorite people, a fitness trainer who is helping me to get in the habit of exercise and am also really trying to focus on portion size and calorie control.  I’ve been overweight for going on 2 decades and really want to be a fun, active wife, mom and being.  That can’t happen at my size & weight.  Goal shape:

It's NOT round...get it?!

So…that’s what’s going on with me.  If you have any advice, encouragement or even questions about my process, I’d love to have a chat with you!

Praying this finds you all well and loving life!

Love,

Chan