Prayer for today:

Dear Jesus,

You gave us EVERYTHING on that cross.  Thank you.  I can’t believe that you knew all of our sins before they happened and were willing to not only take them for us, but completely absolve us.  That freedom in you and repentance of our sins is your true gift.  I can’t wait to get to heaven, kiss your feet and hug you in ‘person’ for that.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

I’m an only child.  Of a single mother.  The first born on our side of the family in 17 years.  The only grand-daughter.  The only niece.  I don’t like to say that I was … spoiled … per se, but I never wanted for much.  My mom cooked for an army, but we never really ate leftovers.  We ate out at least once a week, I had new clothes 3 – 4 times a year.

Present:

Greed and selfishness is something that comes easily to me.  I’m not used to ‘wearing clothes out’.  I’m used to getting what I want when I want.  When you have a house, cars, bills, kids, pets, husband (not in order of importance, of course), and other commitments and priorities (tithing and giving), you have to learn to juggle, prioritize and go without.  I am NOT complaining in the least.  In fact, I’m thankful for having to WORK for things and trust in God’s provision (which has come at the EXACT moment when we need it, not a minute sooner or later).  Included in His provision are my family, my friends, my job and many other countless things that I probably can’t even name that have come into play for me over the years.

After Easter Sunday, I’m feeling amazed and loved and cared for…in a personal and individual way even while knowing that what was done was done for all.

Love,

Chan

Prayer for today:

God,

Help me draw nearer to you.  Use me.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

Life isn’t always easy…some of us having it MUCH better than others.  Some of us don’t.  Over the years, I’ve come to not be complacent, but content with where I am, who I’m with and what God has given me.  I haven’t always been this way.  I used to WANT everything that I didn’t have…coveted with envy.  I used to spend money I didn’t have…uselessly and stupidly.

Present:

Today at church, some people who went on a recent missions trip to Nicaragua shared their ‘God moments’ from their trip.  It really pops things into perspective when you’re told about children crying gratitude for fluoride treatments, adults weeping with thanks for finally being able to see “Claro!” with a used pair of glasses, and an intercession happening over a hurt homeless man who was able to hold his head high the next day and be healed through prayer.

If you don’t believe in God or that His Son is THE way to Him, take a moment and look around at everything and its wonder around you and think back to when you were a child and thought you could fly if you climbed high enough and jumped…that sense that you could DO and BE anything that you wanted in life, God GAVE you that will.  Choose Him.  1) Because I want to hang with you in eternity.  2) Because when creating the earth around us, He took the time to create every important cell in your body and count the hairs that you have on your head.  Then, He sent His Son to die for the sins that He knew that you’d make.

These past couples of weeks have been ‘off’, but I know that I have purpose as do each of you.  Pray for me and mine as I pray for you and yours.

Love,

Chan

Prayer for today:

Dear God,

Thank you…for a full belly, a roof over my head, a job to go to in the morning, my 2 sweet children {whether 1 is throwing a temper-tantrum or not}, my loving husband and so many other things that I may not even recognize as something to be thankful for.  In times of trouble, I am comforted and surrounded by you, Jesus.

I love you,

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

Ashley, Shelby…don’t look at this…I used to box-dye my hair.  A lot.  Like different colors at opposite ends of the spectrum once a month just because.  Like since I was 13.  Anywho, when I lived in the great San Ann, I had a hairdresser friend who taught me the rights and wrongs of hair care and {with a lot of time & $$$} got my hair healthy.  I haven’t touched a box of color since then.  Over 5 years. 

When I moved to MD, I had a hard time finding a place that fit me and my budget…proper hair care can be quite expensive.  I found this AWESOME place about a year and a half ago {shameless plug for Frayedberry} and haven’t strayed once since!

Present:

Piece of past has nothing to do with this…it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted and a LOT has happened since then…helped with Tides of Love, got a sinus infection, knee has half-healed, EJ got sick, Evie got sick, Don & I got away, ran into people we knew while away, we came home and this week started.  PHEW!

Of ALL of that, can I say that the 2 biggest blessings that God revealed to me were that 1) there truly are some homeless and helpless people out there that will sit and have a meal and thank you profusely for it and 2) being in a loving, respectful, FUN marriage is AWESOME?  I guess so...I just said it!  BOOM-shacka!

The big goose bumps & tears moment at Tides of Love {which if you don’t know about it, search it on Facebook & if you do know about it, devote a Saturday and serve…you’ll be humbled & awe-struck at God’s provisions in your own life…} happened when one of the first guests came out of the bathroom with a wide-eyed and scared expression on his face.  He was middle-aged with blue eyes, a silver ponytail and a worn jean jacket over a red plaid flannel shirt that had seen better days.  He walked up to me and handed me a wallet while saying, “Ma’am, I found this in the bathroom, I didn’t open it and I don’t know whose it is.”  I thanked him, took the wallet and found its owner {one of the other volunteers}.  Well, the man in the jean jacket came back up to me, pulled me aside and said with earnest, “Ma’am, I’m really worried about the wallet.  Please, if something was taken, hold me responsible.  I’d hate for something like missing money to end such a blessing as is put on like this.”  I could barely hold back my tears to nod, smile & tell him not to worry.  He was a pure example of God’s love for the world.  He was willing to sacrifice himself so that others wouldn’t suffer.  When the volunteer who owned the wallet got it back, I told him about it and he was able to go sit with the man in the jean jacket for the meal.  Just think…we’re all just walking around with lost wallets.  God gives us our treasures in heaven and we get to sit at His table because we weren’t just invited, we were SOUGHT after and BOUGHT with His own blood.

Have an amazing evening...surround yourselves with family and friends.

Love,

Chan

Prayer for today:

Jesus,

In less than 40 days, we will be mourning Your ‘loss’ and celebrating Your supreme victory over death.  Thank you for the ultimate sacrifice to save us.  While not deserving in the least, Your righteousness gave the most.  ‘I stand in awe of the One who gave it all’…

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

Lent has always been confusing to me.  First, we didn’t GO to church.  THEN, I was in Catholic school for 4^th and 5^th grade, so Lent was HUGE…Ash Wednesday mass, fish every Friday, proclaiming what you were giving up to glorify God & thus glorifying you, stations of the cross and wafers & wine.  (Not trying to be judgmental, but that was my 8 & 9 year old impression.)  After I started insisting on rosary beads & Hail Mary’s at the dinner table, Mom promptly removed me from that ‘unstable environment’.  (Her words, not mine!)  So, back to a public school and off to Sunday services at the local First Christian Church with weekly communion it was for us. 

Present:

I am a firm believer in doing things for Christ with a joyful and humble heart.  SO, instead of giving something up and grumbling about it for the next month, I’m going to work on my spiritual – and faithfulness. 

Going to bed without Percocet and praying that I am able to get a good night’s sleep without it.

Love,

Chan

Old habits and beautiful prayer no matter what religion you are...

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you; blessed are you amongst women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Lord Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners...now and at the hour of our death.

Prayer for today:

Father God,

I love you.  Thank you for loving me SO much. 

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

I remember when I spent Valentine’s alone and wishing that someone would come along and do something straight out of a rom-com to win my heart over?  GOD, those were lonely days.  I had NO clue of what love was in its true form.  & this was less than a decade ago for me.

Present:

Even with a bum leg, my (not so constant thanks to the pain meds for my leg) abdominal pain, sinus pressure ready to crack my skull, a full day of work and 2 sweet babies to care for…this has been one of the BEST Valentine’s Days that I have EVER had in my LIFE.  Another great one was when Don and I were still “talking” and he sent me my first ever received bouquet of flowers.  The love that God gave me through my amazing husband is overwhelming and sweet and perfect in all ways (even the ways when we argue and have issues).

First, Don surprised me by stopping by my work after lunch on his way back into town from a meeting with 2 chocolate dipped and vanilla ganache strawberries for us to share and a single red rose for me to keep on my desk for the afternoon.  Once home w/kiddos, we decided to grab Five Guys and he ran out to get after we exchanged cards.  All in all, most awesome.  Another plus – We had the besties over for dinner last night and I was feeling bakey, so I made some uber delish cupcakes and had enough to take into work today and got high praise for them!

May you cherish and love those around you…Happy Valentine’s Day…XOXO!

Love,

Chan

Prayer for today:

Jesus,

THANK YOU…thank you for friends who pray for me and friends for me to pray for.  Thank you for the love and care of a man that you designed me to be with that takes care of our family and me when I can’t.  Thank you for pain meds and the doctors that prescribe them.  Thank you for providing me with a sturdy job that makes ME a priority.

With a week like I’ve had, I really just wanted to thank you and be conscious of your workings in my life Lord.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

I have been accident prone my entire life.  My first ‘memorable’ trip to the ER was when I was at my uncle’s house and he was chasing me around his octagonal coffee table and I fell on a corner and my bottom teeth went through my bottom lip.  Not TOO long after that I received my ‘chin scar’ (almost everybody has one BTW…) when I was tap-dancing on our neighbor’s tile floor and slipped.  In 6^th grade, I was riding my bike to school and my backpack was slung over the handlebar and I took a corner, the bag went into the wheel, the wheel (and bike) stopped, I didn’t.  Braces ended up imbedded in my lips.  Had to go to ER, dentist & ortho only to be sent to school afterwards.  ALSO in 6^th grade, mom took me to one of the TX battlefields (Goliad to be exact) and they had stone benches that I just HAD to hop over (like hurdles) and I tripped over one and fractured my right (write) wrist.  In high-school, it became the joke that I was so good at falling that I could make it look like I was sitting down.  Klutz-hood, I pray that I don’t pass you on to either of my children…

Present:

Last week I started physical therapy for my abdominal pain.  Lady asked me the same questions that have already been asked.  She poked and prodded in the same places that have already been poked and prodded.  I was then put through a series of ‘tests’ to determine my abdominal strength (weak) and my back strength (VERY strong).  So, I was started on a series of abdominal exercises to be completed a few times a day and follow up PT appointments twice this week.  One of which was Monday morning and it went smoothly and resulted in an additional few exercises that I can add to my repertoire.

And that’s about where my good week ended.

As I was heading out for lunch Monday afternoon from work, I decided that sky diving would be something I should try right then and there…off of a curb.  Somehow, stepping down off the curb into the parking lot between mine and a coworker’s car, my brain stopped signaling to my feet what should actually happen, so I fell…HARD…and landed on my left knee w/minor support from my left palm/wrist.  Thankfully, I have big enough lungs that people in the surrounding offices were able to hear my screams of painful agony and double thankfully, I work right next to an urgent care that they were able to cart me into.  Crying hysterically and grimacing in pain.  I was given ibuprofen, x-rays (nothing broken) and Neosporin and an ace bandage.

Well, 2 days later, I was still a’hurting, so I gave my PCP a call and they saw me this afternoon, said that if I’m still in this much pain next week, that we’ll MRI for a torn ligament or something and she prescribed me Percocet.  SO…GOOD night to you all…may you rest as well as I will be!

Love,

Chan

Prayer for today:

Father God,

Be with the family of Beth Ann Faulder as they mourn her loss.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

I came home from a Brownie lock-in when I was 11 and puked all over our living room floor.  My mom was pretty upset b/c of the mess that she had to clean up, but it turned out that I had laryngitis, bronchitis and tonsillitis all together.  That was the year that I had my tonsils removed.  I haven’t really ‘caught’ all that many colds since then…

Present:

BUT – it seems that I definitely have one.  Cotton ball ears, Niagara Nose, Itchy eyes, Sore Throat & tired and achy all over.  UGH – give me some Mucinex!

Had my first Physical Therapy appointment today and the lady seemed hopeful for being able to help me out.  Although I am still in pain (and even more so b/c of poking, prodding and moving unused muscles), hope on the horizon is way better than ‘I don’t know’s and other non-helpful answers

I hope this finds you all healthy and happy and appreciative of your family and loved ones this evening.

Love,

Chan

Prayer for today:

My prayers fall short…this is how I feel with my pain and lack of answers.  Amen.

Psalm 13

 ¹ How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?

 ³ Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
   and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

 ⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
   my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the LORD’s praise,
   for he has been good to me.

Piece’o’Past:

Some of my very favoritest and bestest memories of childhood and teen years were spent at the Gonzalez Bluebonnet Area’s First Christian Church CAMP.  Gonzo will forever hold a special place in my heart.  I fell in and out of love with Jesus and boys, found and have kept some of the best friends of my life and it shaped my life so much that when I strayed, God only let me get so far before He pulled me back to Him because I was already claimed as His child.  The stars on the water and over a hot concrete slab in the middle of Texas & summer helped me to realize that the great Creator of this universe loved me so much not only to create me as well as the earth and constellations, but also to send His Son to save me.

Present:

I had an appointment on Friday with my obstetrician.  The amazing Dr. Oh performed both of my C-sections and handed my 2 beautiful children from my body to my arms.  Dr. Oh has always been very understanding, thoughtful and thorough.  Every time that we go to him with questions, he has a calm and direct way of getting us answers.  After listening to everything that I’ve been through, he believes that my pain can be narrowed down to 1 of 2 things. 

v Option #1:  I have a wonky musculoskeletal issue that was triggered by one thing or another and physical therapy will fix/improve all. 

v Option #2:  It is scar tissue or abdominal adhesion in which he will refer me to a general surgeon.

Although I AM thankful for someone not telling me that this is ‘normal’ and is considering it serious enough to even SAY surgery is a viable option (not that I am looking FORWARD to surgery) it is still frustrating that there is no ANSWER.  I guess narrowing down is the way to go and they HAVE ruled out all of the serious stuff...bowel blockage, colon cancer, meningitis, all other forms of crazy life-threatening issues, PTL… “I don’t know” still isn’t my favorite phrase when it comes to my health. 

I hope that this finds all of my audience in great spirits and that you’ll remember to pause and thank God and the heavens above for your health and loved ones.

Love,

Chan

Prayer for today:

Dear Jesus,

You have gone out of your way to include me in your grand scheme of salvation.  As if that weren’t enough, you provided me with an amazing support system…spouse, friends and family.  Of which I can’t thank you enough.  The life you’ve given me is above and beyond anything I could have imagined for myself.  Your work astounds me in many wonders and the miracle of my life (my salvation, my husband, my children and my esteemed friendships) often times leaves me breathless and awestruck.

Watch over those that are reading this and keep us all happy, healthy and in love with you.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

I usually make this something relevant, but tonight it’s just what’s on my mind.  Many of you know, some don’t…I don’t claim an earthly father as I only met my bio-donor once when I was 16 and haven’t spoken to him since my mom wrangled him for back-child support of a child that he didn’t know existed.  I grew up with 2 amazing father figures…my uncle (Uncle Bob – picture John Candy in Uncle Buck, and that’s my Uncle Bob) and my grandfather (Papa).  I’ve really been missing my Papa lately…He’ll be 85 in April and I don’t take any chance to talk to him for granted.  I have pictures of him and I ‘shaving’ (him shaving and me w/shaving cream all over my face…) when I was 3 or 4 (aka – about EJ’s age).  He’d have been the one to raise me pretty much had my mom not moved us all over the country and I sometimes wish I’d had that stability and more strict up-bringing.  However, would I be who I am now with my exact personality if that were the case and is wishing for that ‘questioning’ God’s will in my life?  Oh, the lovely contradictions amongst your own head…

Present:

SO, not much has gone on since last post.  Hubs, the kids and I all had a pretty sweet weekend.  We visited a new church and were impressed with the extensive worship set and the relevant message.  We didn’t get a SUPER warm welcome from the congregation, but it was a pretty small church.  It was refreshing just to be somewhere that we didn’t KNOW everyone or have ANY responsibilities other than getting our God on.

We go Friday (the 27^th) to see my OB to talk abdominal adhesion or scar tissue or something along those lines.  All of which require invasive exploratory surgery and most MD’s aren’t willing to do that.

Hubs is putting dinner together tonight even after we had a sweet date night last night and I’m trying my best to be appreciative as opposed to irritable due to pain levels.  Pain is so exhausting.

Love,

Chan

Prayer for today:

Dear God,

I don’t normally pray for patience, as to achieve patience; you certainly know how to test people…

Today, though…I’m’a praying for patience.  While I get news and reports and other things coming from so many different directions, give me peace and patience.

Amen.

Piece’o’Past:

I’ve been overweight for as LONG as I can remember.  There are pictures of me as a healthy and ‘normal’ kid…up until about age 4.  THEN, there’s this HUGE gap…like I didn’t exist or was a vampire until high school and I was this very odd looking giant-type creature.  :/  I’ve been on diets and work-out routines and pills that I can’t even name or remember.  My weight fluctuates like someone’s gas gauge.  I’m not comfortable at the present sharing what my actual weight is, but let me tell you…NFL players would envy this in pure muscle.

Present:

AND that brings us to…An order for blood work was placed by the Weight Loss Center (yes, I’m actually thinking about bypass) and after last night’s puke-a-thon starring me, I figured that this morning would be the best time to go and get a fasting blood work done… 

Later today, I was off and on the phone with the GI’s office @ Johns Hopkins about my ‘inflamed-skin-tag-on-the-outside-of-your-colon-that-takes-months-to-resolve-itself,-sorry-about-your-pain…’  Urgh – insert frustration HERE.  Requesting pain meds, they offered the genius advice of 800 mgs of Ibuprofen 3 x daily for 3 weeks and then to call them to let them know how that goes.  Insert eye roll HERE. 

Anyway, left work early and couldn’t even continue driving, so I took a nap @ a rest stop ½ way home.  Got a call from hubs letting me know that he’d grab the midgets and then he’d see me at the house?  Directly after that I received a call from primary care Dr. letting me know that I have a Vitamin D deficiency.  Whoop!  Something I HAVE that isn’t normal, but IS fixable.  SO – I’m on once weekly supplements for THAT issue for 3 months until a re-check.  Evening has been smooth and now it’s hopefully off to pain-free dreamland.

Love,

Chan

Revision...home with pajamas on, pizza back OUT of my belly, ugh.  Life is still good, though...

Home with pajamas on and pizza in my belly.  Life is good.

Prayer for today: 

Father God,

THANK YOU!  For all of our many blessings that you continue to pour on us even THROUGH trials and tribulations.  You are an amazing heavenly Father and I could NOT imagine or want better.  Forgive me of my sins today…gossip, slander, Your name where it shouldn’t have been in use.  I know that you sent your Son to die for those exact sins, but I LONG to be more like Him to be closer to You.

Jesus – grant peace, serenity and healing over ALL who lay eyes on this and even those in my life who don’t.  You promise goodness and grandeur and I FULLY claim that for us all.

Amen.

Piece’O’Past:

I’ve moved around.  A LOT.  Born in Galveston, TX, to & from Texas City twice by the time I was 4, and then off to Chincoteague, VA followed by a short stop in Miami, FL for 1^st grade…all by the time that I was 8.  Once “settled” in Victoria, TX I attended 2 different elementary schools, 3 different middle schools and 2 different high schools.  While I now appreciate the versatility and adaptability that all of those experiences provided my life, I truly envy people that have been friends with someone from birth and lived in 1 place their entire life.  That sustainability and constant provision must be how we should truly face problems that arise in our lives.  As God never forsakes us, we should REVEL in that accountability that never fails.

Present:

I’ve been in pain since August 20, 2011.  4 months.  29 days.  Constant.  Lower left abdominal pain that increases and decreases in pain level, but never truly goes away.  I’ve had so many tests run on me and been put on and taken off of so many medications since then; it boggles my mind that they haven’t just donated my body to science yet.  This morning I had a repeat (TMI ALERT!) internal ultrasound.  The results were normal, which if you’ve ever been in non-pin-point-able pain, is a little disappointing, but I’m thankful for more “good” news…

HOWEVER, while being consensually molested, something happened that hasn’t happened since this pain onset.  The sonographer was able to, if not reproduce as it was already there, HEIGHTEN the pain!  I know that it sounds crazy to cling to this tid-bit, but no one has been able to do that with simple exterior poking and prodding!  I feel like this will be some sort of key to the proverbial puzzle!  Please continue to pray for Dr's wisdom and my mental well-being.

Love,

Chan

PS - if you COULD, please try to lift up Ms. C & Baby B in your prayers as well...their stories aren't mine to tell, but they need them just as much if not more than I do!

So, thanks for stopping by and reading…I’m am an altogether TMI type person, so I’ll apologize now and hope that it applies for all future posts.

I’d like this to be a non-stressful type thing for myself and all who read, so for all future formats, this is how it will go:

Prayer FIRST…I pray for you reading, your family and your current individual situation; I may not know exactly what it may be that I’m praying for or even that I’m praying for you ‘directly’, but know that you are in my prayers.  Also, please help reciprocate and pray for me, for my wisdom and discretion in the words that I may choose to be putting on here and sharing with you.    

Second, a bit of my past…so you get to know me a little better and will hopefully feel like you can share your past with me as well.  No judgments, no predispositions, just common understanding and mercy amongst simple sinners.

Lastly, my present…what I’m dealing with and hopefully the why and reflection of what’s going on so as to help you better understand should you ever go through anything similar and so that I have an online memory, as I for SURE can’t keep it ALL in my head!

SO - Here's to us...on this embarkment and to health and altogether healing in the new year!  I will be trying to update every few days as busy schedule allows!

Love,

Chan